Monday, 24 December 2012

Current happiness and hope for future adventures

All is well. I am sitting in a sofa at my mother's place with a cat by my side. Outside are snow-covered fields and forests, and more snow has been falling ever since I got here. I have just handed in the last of my reports for the year. There is a take-home exam in January which I dread, but I try not to think of it, determined to enjoy at least a few days' peace. Tonight I was at the cinema with my best friend and saw The Hobbit, in 3D and all. Over-the-top and drawn-out battle-scenes or not, I got entirely blown away and enjoyed every second of it. It filled me with a fuzzy feeling of happiness to think that in a year I will go there. Well, maybe not to Middle Earth itself, but to New Zealand!

That's right. I got a place as an exchange student at the University of Canterbury in Christchurch, New Zealand. Well, formally I still have to be accepted to the university itself as well, but it is as good as settled. I will really go there! I'm so happy and excited I have a hard time not jumping up and down in joy every time I think about it. I have wanted to go there for so very long. It really is a dream come true! Adventures await next spring! I am hell of nervous, but ten times as reassured that the awesomeness of it all will be worth any and all panic attacks. 

Tomorrow is christmas' eve, and I think I will go skiing. Then we will go visit grandma, and I will enjoy some well-needed time off. Go out and play in the snow just for the sake of it, build a fire, celebrate the return of the undefeated sun, see my friends and such things. Oh how I love the winter. The snow is still whirling around, brightening up the blackness outside. I listen to a list of my favourite songs this year which I compiled. The future is a big, fluffy cloud of hope. I am in love with the whole world right now.

Happy midwinter, readers! Please feed off my happiness and positivism, I've got plenty to share at the moment. Have some love as well.


Monday, 10 December 2012

Sunday, bloody Sunday

That feeling when you've been coding all day and your program is fucked up but you just can't see what you did wrong and then there turns out to be a friggin' minus sign missing in one of the equations which in some magical way solves everything when you put it there after trying a million other things and tearing your hair in frustration for about three hours...

*draws deep breath*

Yes, that exact feeling. What am I doing with my life?! Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

Oh well, at least there is snow. It is soft and white and silent and it has been falling and whirling around all day. I went out and created an angel. It makes me happy, the snow, and muffles the senseless wrath within me. Now I'm going to have a couple of cookies along with a glass of almond milk, then go to bed and try not to worry about anything in the whole world. There is a whole monday tomorrow for me to catch up on my worrying.

Love, frustration, and snow,

Saturday, 1 December 2012


I DID IT! I fucking DID it! I wrote a freakin' novel in a month's time! 50016 words, take that, ya pansies! 

So I actually WON NaNoWriMo. I set out to write a novel, and I bloody well did it. Oh all right, this is draft number one (AKA draft of shittiness), and there are plot holes all the way to China. Not to mention crappy and repetitive formulations, loose threads and mysteries that I haven't even begun to tie together or unravel, shallow world concepts and storylines that wouldn't hold together with a ton of duct-tape. But you know what, that's okay! I still finished the damn story. I have created a piece of writing that is longer by far than anything else I have written before, ever. I set a story free that has been slumbering within my mind for years, and was it ever glad to finally find its way out! I let the characters run around creating absolute mayhem, and watched as my story took turns I would never have imagined it would do a month ago.

So if I've learned one thing from this whole ordeal it is that the best way to write a good story is to actually WRITE IT. No matter how you look at it, that is the way it has to begin, and it is also the biggest hurdle to get over, at least for me. I am fairly good at finishing things, but actually getting out there and starting doing something takes a hell of a lot determination and courage. Mind you, I still have a whole lot of work ahead of me if I ever want to see this story finished enough to let anybody else than my best friend read it, but I think I might just possibly have gathered enough writing momentum and self-confidence to do that now. I know that I have acquired inspiration and motivation in abundance, if nothing else. I write, ergo I am a writer now. Published or not, that is still rather awesome.

Now I am thoroughly exhausted and would like to sleep for a month. Wake me up by christmas, okay? Heh, I wish. Tomorrow I am going to retake control of the mundanities in my life, such as washing the mountain of dishes that has been piling up in the kitchen, cooking some proper dinner, catching up with neglected homework, answering emails, going for a long nice run, and possibly even take a well-needed shower. After sleeping in as long as I bloody well feel like it for the first time in over a month, mind you.

High fives from your very own creative genius,