Last day of work. Tomorrow I'm going back to Sweden. My heart is all over the place. I'm not ready for this. I want to stay here at this calm and beautiful place and get to know this oh-so-interesting island even better. I love working here, I love breathing here, I love living here. But I love Sweden too, and there are people and a certain cat there who I miss like crazy. Oh my gods. Polyamorous all the way through, it would seem.
And winter is coming. The observing season is coming to an end, the days are getting colder, and it is time to return. Whether I'm ready or not, it will happen anyway. I will leave this home and return home. It is such a wonderful feeling, to be able to call any place I like home. And really feel it too. I have lived for ten weeks now in a faraway place with only belongings that would fit in a backpack. And I haven't really missed much of all the stuff I've got in Sweden, either. A few boardgames and books perhaps, but other than that I've felt content with far less than usual. It made me think of all the unnecessary crap I fill my life with, and what's really important in the end. Friends, those I have been missing above all. Then it must surely be the greatest thing in life; friendship. Also, freedom. Freedom to do and say and think and take part of whatever I like or comes my way by chance. That's what I'm after, what I feel I have to a great degree and that I will do whatever I can to preserve. That's really what I want from life. To be free to find love and make friends and learn things without things or constrained ideas weighing me down.
I'm rambling now, I know. It's the state of mind that comes along with travelling anxiety. I'm just so full of feelings I'm not sure how to express. I went to the most beautiful place yesterday. With caves and tunnels and waterfalls and pine trees and clouds and birds and steep mountainsides and riverbeds and interesting paths. I seriously got floored by it, feeling euphoric and then like coming down from an adrenaline-intense high. Moved to tears at times. I remember thinking “oh come on, how fucking beautiful can a place get?” and then getting overwhelmed with views time after splendid time. A fantastic holiday to end my trip with. And yet there is so much more I want so get to know with this island. I guess I'll just have to return one day.
Now off to pack. See you on the other side of the adventure.
“I don't think home is a place anymore. I think it's a state of mind.”
— Neil Gaiman (Sandman vol. 5: A Game of You)
Love and feeeelings,