Thursday, 9 June 2016

Bare feet and glass splinters

Life goes on. Feelings abound. Down into the deepest trenches, up into and beyond the sky. All in just a few weeks' time. Somewhere within the pain and euphoria is the thing which keeps urging me on. So I keep walking. Keep running. My feet hardly hurt at all anymore. I guess their bare soles have adapted even to the coarsest gravel. And the world wasn't so full of glass splinters as I had imagined. What used to be pain is now just a welcome reminder that my body is a part of the world, and that no matter how it is perceived by others the only thing that really matters is that I can use it to put sweet, sweet distance behind me.

I wish I could harden my heart in the same way. Then maybe rejection and sorrow would be a heavy coat to shrug off rather than a bleeding hole in my soul. But I guess one must leave oneself open to pain if one is to remain open to joy. So if that's the price to pay for being able to fall in love over and over again I'll gladly take it. Happiness is all in the difference between the better and the worse, anyway. And if that makes me an emotion-junkie, then so be it. I'm not ready for zen.

I have a plan for the coming year. I'm going to learn how to write. In an actual school, not just by myself. I'll quit my job. Try to finish that master's degree. Strive to save up some money for dreams which have been laying around on a dusty old shelf for far too long. Keep running. And hopefully become more like a person I'd like to be.

I've found the secret to life
I'm okay when everything is not okay

Love and life,

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