“Have I gone mad?”
“I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
Apparently what I am is classed as a mental disease. Not the anxiety and panic attacks (well, maybe those too), but my gender identity. Not necessarily terminal, but definitely chronic. Symptoms may include assault by random people on the street, being discriminated against, being denied basic rights, involuntary estrangement from family and friends, self-hate, ridicule, and in extreme cases glitter leaking out of the ears.
But it has its perks, too, being a queerdo (a new favourite word of mine). You may gain a more open outlook on the world, a community of fabulous freaks, allies, invitations to parties you'd hardly even dreamed about, and watching people demonstrating in the street and occupying houses for your right to exist. And with any luck there is also love and understanding to be had.
I've heard a lot of trans people say that they wish they were cis. I can relate to that a lot of the time. How much more simple life would be! But if I actually got the chance to change what I am I don't think I would. I've grown into loving this state of being. And because self-love is such a scarce commodity within the trans community I'd like to cling to it if I can, struggle though it is. I'll be true to myself, whatever it turns out to entail, and I'm gonna fucking own this identity.
Because ridicule is no shame
Oh, it's just a way to eclipse hate
It's just a way to put my back straight
Oh, it's just a way to remain sane
Love from your resident queerdo,