Wednesday, 18 January 2017

A thousand nights and a night

30 nights into this colossus of a tale containing a staggering amount of layers of stories, I have taken away the following:
  • Women are deceitful and unfaithful by nature, and it is a reasonable thing to kill them if they are found guilty of adultery. Better make sure that they are actually guilty _before_ slaying them, though.
  • Beautiful people are by nature good and deserve one another, while ugly people are fair game for playing tricks upon.
  • It is a desirable thing to marry one's cousin, except when they are ugly, or mean.
  • Telling a good story about your adventures will often save you if your life is under threat, so do practice your storytelling!
Love and stories,

Tuesday, 17 January 2017


My desktop is nowhere near as messy as my mind is.

Apparently it's been four years since I took a course in statistics. A lot of neglect and a mental breakdown since then means there's not much left of the knowledge in me, nevertheless I'm trying to use it for my master's thesis. It is coming back to me, although ever so slowly. I believe I made some progress today, and actually produced a result of scientific interest. There was a time when I managed stuff like this every day, but nowadays performing a simple chi-squared test is considered a huge success. We'll see whether or not I'll be crying after meeting with my supervisor tomorrow, but right now I have some hope of actually finishing this project.

And then there is the folk music. I managed to mostly pick up a tune that was taught today at the rehearsal, so I guess I am learning how to play by ear. It makes me so happy, being able to do a thing which seemed to me nigh-on impossible not very long ago. And even when I'm unable to follow along in their playing I am so, so glad to be surrounded by such lovely tunes (and people!). 

Even my poetry is starting to come out of the stand-still it's sunken into the past month or so. All in all, it is a good day to be alive. Life looks bright, and my heart is so light to carry.

Love and joy,

Friday, 13 January 2017

A one-way love affair

Oh, mountains. I haven't been home for two weeks, and I miss you already. Every time I find myself in mountainous terrain I ask myself why I live in this godforsaken flatland of a place, bereft of forest and all. I'm in love, there's no doubt about it. The deep, mad kind of love, which makes one go oh wow I want to be with you forever will you please let me worship you?

But I'm not sure I could stand living with them in the long run. I would have pretty much constant access to things that now are to me rare luxuries: snow, darkness, aurora, excellent stargazing opportunities, silence, solitude, breathtaking beauty. That is a fact. But would it be worth the price of isolation? My roots here have grown deeper than I intended, and I am aware of how painful it would be to pull them up. It is a dangerous thing to make friends with people, you know. They might make you feel like you belong.

But then again, the feeling of longing is so strong that I cannot help thinking about how and when I will next be able to visit them, even while I'm still there. If that's love or just plain old human inability to be content in the present situation I'm not sure, but the feeling doesn't seem to go away. I guess what I need is to find a balance between the joy I find in having a home amidst people I love and who care about me and my desire for beauty and adventure. Right now that would mean keeping the mountains in a long-distance relationship.

Does it make sense to love someone (or something, in this case) who lacks the capacity to love you back? Can it ever bring anything other than pain? Sometimes I wish I had the ability to control, or at least direct, my desires. But then again, if I somehow managed to have them removed, I'm not sure there would me much left of me.

Love and mountains,